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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29143185">It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad App!</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KurtPikachu2001/pseuds/KurtPikachu2001'>KurtPikachu2001</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Paradise PD (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:14:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,014</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29143185</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KurtPikachu2001/pseuds/KurtPikachu2001</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Paradise PD gets too carried away with viral videos.  More trouble brews when videos of Fitz and Dusty become public.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad App!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This fanfic is losely based on the Futurama episode Attack Of The Killer App.  With a Paradise PD Twist.</p><p> </p><p>Paradise PD</p><p> </p><p>Fanfic Title:</p><p> </p><p>It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad App!</p><p> </p><p>by:  Trenton Sands</p><p> </p><p>Scene 1:  </p><p> </p><p>Inside the Paradise PD Headquarters.  Randall was giving his fellow officers their first assignment for the year 2021.   </p><p>Bullet:   It's the first of the year.   So it's time to solve the first crime of the year!</p><p>Randall:  Dammit Bullet!  Who gave you permission to get the first opening line in this episode?</p><p>Bullet:  All righty, fine.  Sorry.</p><p>Randall:   Now as I was saying.  Before Bullet stuck his ass into my business.    I just got word that there's a robbery in progress at the Apple Store!</p><p>Stanley:  Apple Store hey?   I sold apples to Fred Astaire during the Roaring 20's.</p><p>Kevin:  I don't think that's the type of Apple Store my dad is talking about.</p><p>Randall:   Of course it isn't!   What I mean by Apple Store is the computer store.  Get it?  Apple!  Steve Jobs and the whatnot?</p><p>Dusty:  Oh no!  Why would somebody want to rob a computer store?  </p><p>Randall (pulls up a picture):  Because of this!  </p><p>Bullet, Gina, Stanley, Kevin, Dusty gasp at the picture Randall shown to them.</p><p>Randall:  They want to get their hands on this!   An IPHONE!   </p><p>Gina (scoffs):  Why?  So they can film themselves thinking they'll become reality TV show stars?</p><p>Randall:  Who knows and who cares why they want to steal these iPhones!   The important thing is we fucking kick these robbers asses!  </p><p>Bullet:   Who's in!  You're either in or your out!  </p><p>Kevin:  I'll go!   </p><p>Dusty:  Me too!  </p><p>Gina:  Can't wait to shove some _apples_ up their asses!   If you catch my drift.  </p><p>Dusty:  Duty calls!  To the Apple Store!  </p><p>Randall and Kevin get inside one police car.  While Gina, Dusty and Bullet go in another.   Gina sees Stanley isn't coming.</p><p>Gina:  Yo!  Old man river!  You coming with us you or not you wrinkled twat waffle?</p><p>Stanley:  No!  You guys go!  I'm staying here!  I want nothing to do with this computer phone nonsense!    (falls asleep)</p><p>Gina runs into the Police Car to join Dusty and Bullet.  </p><p>Bullet:  You know Randall didn't tell us what these robbers might look like?</p><p>Gina:  Maybe they're like Queen Latifah in Set it Off!  </p><p>Dusty:  Speaking of movies, I'll drive to the Apple Store faster than Tom Cruise in Days Of Thunder! </p><p>Gina:  Ooohh!  That is a total turn on!  Floor it!  </p><p>Dusty slammed on the accelerator and drove very fast to the Apple Store.    </p><p>Bullet:   WOAH!   Man!   Is Jeff Gordon in this car?  </p><p>Arriving at the Apple Store, Dusty, Gina, and Bullet got there first.   Then Randall and Kevin soon came afterwards.  Among them was a huge line of all the citizens on Paradise waiting to get their hands on an IPHONE.  </p><p>Kevin:  Uhh, Dad?  Where exactly are these robbers?   Could it be one of these guys?</p><p>Randall:   There were no robbers!   I was just saying that.  </p><p>Gina:  Then why the fuck did you drag us all out here then?  </p><p>Randall:  You'll see.</p><p> </p><p>Scene 2:  </p><p> </p><p>Outside the Apple Store, Randall was explaining the reason why he made his officers come there.  </p><p>Randall:   OKay, here's the thing.   I brought you all here so we can all get IPHONES of our own.  </p><p>Kevin:  We're going to have to wait in line.   </p><p>Randall:  Not if I can help it!   Bullet, give me my bag!  </p><p>Bullet (throws bag to Randall):   Fetch!  Good boy!  </p><p>Randall:  Very fucking funny Bullet.    </p><p>Dusty:  What are you going to do with that bag?  </p><p>Randall takes out a tear gas bomb and throws it at the line of people waiting at the Apple Store to get an IPHONE.    The tear gas bomb soon took effect leaving the people running away and crying.   </p><p>Gina:  Oh I get it.  So we can be the first to get one before these twat waffles!  </p><p>Robbie and Delbert were in the line but they got away before Randall threw the tear gas bomb.  </p><p>Gina:  What are you shitfaces doing here?</p><p>Kevin:  You're must be the robbers my dad is after!  </p><p>Robbie:  No we ain't no robbers.   We don't feel like committing any crimes today.</p><p>Delbert:   We can't afford an IPHONE so we window shopping instead.  </p><p>Robbie: Pretty cool what Randall did with that tear gas.   Too bad it wasn't teat gas!  (laughs)</p><p>Delbert:  Good one, Robbie.  Say listen you y'all don't mind if we come with you guys in the store do you?</p><p>Kevin:  Yeah I guess.    </p><p>Dusty:  OKay, you can come.   But we'll be watching!  </p><p>Robbie:  To window shop.  Not to rob!  </p><p>Gina:  Fine!  We believe you!  </p><p>Randall:  To the Apple Store!   </p><p>Robbie and Delbert follow the Paradise PD inside the Apple Store.   </p><p>Gina and Dusty were looking at some IPHONES.   </p><p>Dusty:  These are awesome!   No wonder these are selling like hotcakes!  </p><p>Gina:  When I get my IPHONE, how about I film you eating hotcakes in the nude?</p><p>Dusty:  Cool!  </p><p>Randall (sees an IPHONE):  HA!  This is the one I wanted!  </p><p>Kevin sees Bullet pick up an IPHONE.</p><p>Bullet:  Hey, there hot ladies out there in internetland!   It's me Bullet and Welcome to Bullet's Porno Theater Showcase!  </p><p>Kevin (laughs):  You just gave me an idea.   (takes an IPHONE)  </p><p>Going up to the desk, Kevin buys an IPHONE.  The Cashier was from India.</p><p>Cashier:   Will that be all for you today?  </p><p>Kevin:  Yes.  Hey I got a question.  </p><p>Cashier:  Sure, what is it?</p><p>Kevin:  You look like you're an ethnicity of someone who's knowledgeable about IPHONES.  Can you get your own Youtube Channel with these?</p><p>Cashier:  Absolutely you can.   </p><p>Kevin:  Perfect.  I'm spending my paycheck on this!  </p><p>When Kevin bought his IPHONE, Randall, Gina, Bullet, and Dusty all got an IPHONE of their own as well.  Robbie and Delbert were stealing the IPHONES when nobody was looking.</p><p>Robbie:  Can't believe they fell for that!  </p><p>Delbert:  It's like the oldest trick in the book!  </p><p> </p><p>Scene 3:  </p><p> </p><p>At the Paradise PD Headquarters.   Gina, Dusty, Bullet, Randall, and Kevin were having fun with their new IPHONES.  </p><p>Bullet:  So what are you guys going to do with your IPHONES?</p><p>Kevin:   I'm getting my own Youtube channel!  </p><p>Gina:  Cool!  I'll get my own Youtube channel too!  </p><p>Dusty:  I don't have a gmail account.   So I can be in your channel Kevin?</p><p>Bullet:  Include me, too!  Think of all the awesome things we can do together!  </p><p>Kevin:   You know, I could use some friends to film videos on my channel.  So welcome aboard!   </p><p>Bullet:  What's your Youtube channel going to be about, Randall.</p><p>Randall:  I'm doing movie reviews.  </p><p>Gina:   Hmmm, what can mine me about?  My family used to watch a lot of sports.   So maybe mine will be about Sports Bloopers.  </p><p>Bullet:  So Kevin.  What's your Youtube channel going to be about?</p><p>Kevin:  How about three guys doing funny things.</p><p>Dusty:  What funny things do you have in mind?</p><p>Kevin:  Uhhh, I'll have to think about that.  </p><p>The next day, Randall was just beginning his Youtube channel.  He set up an IPHONE and began filming.</p><p>Randall:  Hello out there Internet People!  I am CoolCopDude22!  Welcome to my Youtube Channel about movie reviews.  Today's movie is going to be Anger Management with Adam Sandler.  </p><p>Karen walks in on Randall doing his video.   </p><p>Randall:  Uhh, hey, Karen. (turns off IPHONE)</p><p>Karen:  Randall Crawford!   Are you making a Youtube channel?  And basing it on Movie Reviews?</p><p>Randall:   Uhhh, yes.   Why do you ask?</p><p>Karen:   Why not focus your energy on something more important.  Like me getting another term as Mayor!  </p><p>Randall:  Would you like me to do a Political Ad for you?</p><p>Karen: That's exactly what I want.    Get your ass over to my Mayor Office!   It's in a new location by the Thester Carbomb Memorial Center.   </p><p>Randall:  I'm willing to do that.    I'll be right there.  </p><p>Karen drove Randall to the new Mayor's Office.   Karen however wanted Randall to do a video for her outside the Thester Carbomb Memorial Center.   There was even a picture of the deceased Thester Carbomb there right under it reads, "REST IN PEACE."    Anton was there too.</p><p>Randall:  How should we do this?</p><p>Anton:  Easy.  I was thinking of playing an assassin in the video who's going to shoot Karen.</p><p>Karen:  We're going to give it a Manchurian Candidate vibe.   To show the consequences of what would happen if I'm not elected another term.  </p><p>Randall:   OKay, I'm filming.   And action......</p><p>Karen walks down the steps while Anton narrates.  </p><p>Anton:  Karen Crawford.  She's every woman.  She's a wife, mother, and a very wundabar mayor.   Wouldn't you  like to have her for another term.   Karen Crawford is all about family values, low taxes, and wearing a mask during this pandemic.    </p><p>Karen (stops walking down the steps):  My fellow citizens.  </p><p>Anton uses his finger as a gun to pretend like he shot Karen.    Randall films as Karen falls over and pretends to be dead.   </p><p>Karen:   Goodbye, cruel world......</p><p>Anton:   If you do not vote for Karen Crawford.  All her beliefs and values in this town will die with her.   Paid For By Karen Crawford Foundation.</p><p>Karen:  And cut....good job!   </p><p>Anton:  I assassinated her with a fingerbang!   (laughs)  Get it?  Fingerbang!</p><p>Randall (rolls his eyes):   Yes yes I get it!   </p><p>Karen:  You can use that for your Youtube channel and maybe it'll go viral.  </p><p>Anton:  Ja, and you can get your followers to vote for Karen.</p><p>Randall:   I  usually disagree with you about this.   But for once you're right.  I can use your video and do movie reviews too.  </p><p>Karen:  It's a start!  </p><p> </p><p>Scene 4:</p><p> </p><p>At Gina's house.  Gina Jabowski was at her house filming Sports Bloopers for her Youtube channel.</p><p>Gina:  Good morning twat waffles!  It is I!  Gina Jabowski and welcome to my Youtube channel.   Is anyone familiar with Not So Great Moments In Sports?  Well believe it or not. It's making a comeback.   If you want to watch the reboot you'll have to come onto my channel to see what we have in store!  </p><p>Walking over to a television.  Gina pops in a DVD and plays it.  </p><p>Gina:  Today's subject.   Sumo Wrestling!   </p><p>The DVD shows two Sumo Wrestlers about to fight each other.    </p><p>Gina:  Oooh!  Too sexy!  I can almost see their sweat dipping!   Oh how I want to lick that!  </p><p>The Sumo Wrestlers on the DVD begin to fight.   </p><p>Gina:  Here's what it gets really fucking awesome!  All right!  Did you see that?  Did you see that!   WOAH!</p><p>One Sumo Wrestler throws his rival out of the ring.  </p><p>Gina:  Holy shit!    Now that's what I call Out of Bounds.</p><p>The Sumo Wrestler that was thrown throws himself at his rival. </p><p>Gina:   Take that you oriental asshole!   </p><p>Then one of the Sumo Wrestlers takes his hand and twists it's crotch area.  </p><p>Gina:  Woah dude!   He's like Fat Bastard in the third Austin Powers movie!  </p><p>In Kevin's house.  Bullet and Dusty agree to meet him there to discuss what their first video will be about.   Bullet and Dusty watch Randall's and Gina's Youtube channels that already had rave reviews.  </p><p>Dusty:  Oh my stars!   Kevin, your father has so many followers!  </p><p>Kevin:  I already know.  He even wrote me a tell off email.  It says and I quote, "EVERYONE ALREADY LOVES MY CHANNEL!  HOW'S YOURS!   BET YOU HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET!  YOU SUCK KEVIN!  ANOTHER THING, YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!"</p><p>Bullet:  So does Gina!   All because she brought back Not So Great Moments In Sports?   </p><p>Kevin:   All in one day I bet.   All right.   If we want to do some videos.   We'll have to do a video that will one up them both!  </p><p>Dusty:  We agreed to do guys who do funny things.    But what exactly do we do?</p><p>Kevin:  Since I'm the brains behind this.   We can do comedy sketches.  Why not that Key and Peele one about the Angry Substitute?  </p><p>Dusty:  That does sound like a cool idea.   But where are we going to get people to play the students?</p><p>Bullet:  Dusty's right.   It should just be the three of us.    </p><p>Kevin:   I'll google comedy sketches with three people.</p><p>Bullet:  Three people.....hmmm.....that's it!  (snaps paw)  Let's do something from The Three Stooges!  </p><p>Dusty:  Yeah!   Awesome Bullet!   We'll show that Randall and Gina.</p><p>Kevin:   Once our Three Stooges video goes viral we'll put Randall and Gina in their place!    What sketch do you all think we ought to do?</p><p>Bullet:   How about that Slowly I Turn they do!  </p><p>Dusty:  OKay sure.   Who's going to be Curly?</p><p>Kevin:  Why you are, of course.    </p><p>Dusty:  Awww, why?  Because I'm fat.</p><p>Bullet:  It's only plausible for you to be Curly.   So yes.</p><p>Dusty:   All right.   If it's to beat Randall and Gina for already having so many followers I'll do it.</p><p>Kevin:  Perfect.   Bullet since you were the one who came up with the idea.   I'll let you be Moe!  I'll be Larry.  </p><p>Bullet:  Awesome!  As they say in Hollywood.   Lights, camera, action!  </p><p>Momentarily.  Dusty, Kevin, and Bullet were doing the sketch and filming it on Kevin's IPHONE.   Dusty, Kevin, and Bullet were just about to finish their video.  Dusty's clothes were ripped up.</p><p>Dusty:  Why you cowards.   You're too afraid to say Niagara Falls!</p><p>Bullet and Kevin:   NIAGARA FALLS!  </p><p>Dusty (a'la Curly):  Nyah ahh ahh!  </p><p>Bullet and Kevin:  Slowly I turned....Step by step....inch by inch....</p><p>Dusty runs away as Bullet and Kevin chase him to beat him up.   Their sketch was successfully filmed.   </p><p> </p><p>Scene 5:  </p><p> </p><p>Two days later.  Randall and Gina were still ahead of the game on their Youtube channels.   Kevin's video with Bullet and Dusty however only got a few hits.   Since the Paradise PD has been engrossed with making videos on their IPHONES.  Crime has gone way up.  Nobody seemed to notice or care.   At the Paradise PD Headquarters, Randall and Gina were talking about their Youtube Channels.    </p><p> </p><p>Gina:  So far I got a fifty million hits just for showing Ken Griffy Jr beanballing someone!   Then I filmed Tiger Woods throwing a golf club in the air.  (cracks up)  </p><p>Randall:  Everyone loves how I diss Adam Sandler and Jonah Hill movies.   Even my wife's political ad got some hits!   </p><p>Gina:  Wonder how Kevin is doing is with his.</p><p>Randall:  He fails at everything he tries.  So I'm sure whatever videos he did totally suck like he does.</p><p>Kevin, Bullet, and Dusty enter Paradise PD Headquarters.</p><p>Bullet:  Gosh I can't believe this!    Only 5 hits on our video.  </p><p>Dusty:  What are we doing wrong?</p><p>Randall and Gina then come across Kevin's video.   </p><p>Kevin:  Did you guys see my video?  What did you think?  </p><p>Randall and Gina: (crack up at Kevin's video)</p><p>Dusty:  They seem to like it.   </p><p>Bullet:  If that's not sarcastic laughing at least someone likes our Three Stooges video.  </p><p>Randall:  Who's the loser who did a Three Stooges sketch for a viral video?  Nobody gives a flying fuck about them anymore.  (cracks up)</p><p>Gina:  Feel sorry for whoever this is.  (cracks up)</p><p>Kevin:  I'll tell you what 'loser' did that video.   Me, Dusty, and Bullet that's who!   </p><p>Randall:   Yeah, well our videos get millions of hits every second.   </p><p>Gina:  From what we can see your video only got 5 hits.  </p><p>Kevin (moaning):  You guys hate it, don't you?</p><p>Gina:  Dusty as Curly?  (snorts and giggles) That was predictable.  </p><p>Dusty:  Let's face it.  They hated it.   So did everyone else.</p><p>Randall:  See Kevin?  That's the problem with you.  If you want a viral video to make it big.  You have to get with the times!    This "Three Stooges" shit you're doing, you're aiming at an audience Stanley's age.   It's like you're stuck in an era you've never even lived in!  </p><p>Gina:  Yeah, connect with today's audience.   Do things that make other people laugh.  Not things that only make you laugh.</p><p>Randall:  Gina's got a point here, Kevin.....</p><p>Just then Stanley enters the Paradise PD Headquarters.</p><p>Bullet:  Hey, Stanley!   Did you decide to join us in the IPHONE craze too?   Bet you made a gay sex video of yourself!  </p><p>Stanley (sees everyone on their IPHONES):  You guys have all gone insane!    </p><p>Bullet watches as Stanley leaves the Headquarters.  </p><p>Kevin:  Know what? Maybe you're right Dad.   Guess I have been living in the past.   Come on, Dusty and Bullet.  Let's make a totally new video!  </p><p>Dusty:  One that's aimed at a younger audience.  </p><p>Bullet:  If it fails, we always have TikTok!   </p><p>Kevin:  Uhhh, we should not go that far.   Those videos are only 10 seconds.   </p><p>Bullet, Dusty, and Kevin all set out to make another viral video.   </p><p>Randall (to Gina):  Can't wait to see what shit they're going to pull out of their asses!  </p><p>Gina (to Randall):  No kidding!   No matter what video they film.   Both you and I will be more popular.  </p><p> </p><p>Scene 6:  </p><p> </p><p>Kevin has Bullet and Dusty meet him at Possum Pizza.    There was a new jukebox there.    Robbie and Delbert were playing skeeball with the IPHONES they've stolen a few days ago.  </p><p>Robbie:  Think we just invented a new sport!  </p><p>Delbert:   We'll call it IPHONE Skeeball!   </p><p>Dusty (with excitement):  Oh boy!  We're going to do a video here at Possum Pizza?    </p><p>Bullet:  If you think we're going to film you binge eating a pizza, you're far out on left field there, dude.  </p><p>Kevin:   That's correct.   No binge eating videos.  </p><p>Dusty:  Awwwww.</p><p>Bullet:   What's your latest idea, Kevin.   It should be your choice.  </p><p>Kevin:  Listen up.  Here is what I was thinking.   Did either of you see that Jodie Foster movie The Accused?  </p><p>Dusty:   Seen the trailer once.  It really wasn't my cup of tea though.</p><p>Kevin:  You guys familiar with that bar scene.  </p><p>Bullet:  That was the best part of the whole movie!  Keep talking.</p><p>Kevin:  What I was thinking of doing is, turning on the jukebox.  Have Dusty dress in drag.  Then Bullet and I will harass Dusty.  </p><p>Dusty:  Hey, wait a minute?  That's a movie about rape is it not?  You guys aren't going to rape me are you?</p><p>Kevin:  Calm down, Dusty.  It'll just be pretend.   </p><p>Dusty gets nervous to the point of a meltdown.  Bullet slaps him.  </p><p>Bullet:  Snap out of it, man!  Do you want to get more views than Randall and Gina or not?</p><p>Dusty:  Okay.   </p><p>Bullet:  Good, now put on this dress and take one for the team!   And don't fight with us!  </p><p>Robbie and Delbert join Kevin, Bullet, and Dusty.</p><p>Delbert:  Hey guys.  We could not help but overhear.</p><p>Robbie:   Did you guys say something about a rape video?</p><p>Kevin:  We're acting out that bar scene from the Jodie Foster movie The Accused.   For a viral video.</p><p>Bullet:  Would you like to join us?  You can if you want to.  We can use more people in our video.</p><p>Delbert:   Yes, we'd like to be a part of this!  </p><p>Robbie:  Anything with rape is cool with me!  I love rape!  </p><p>Delbert:  So who're we raping?</p><p>Dusty (walking out of the bathroom dressed in drag):   Me.  </p><p>Delbert:   Is that Anne Ramsey from Throw Mama From The Train?</p><p>Dusty:  No it's me.  Dusty Marlowe.   </p><p>Delbert:  We're raping a man in drag?  </p><p>Kevin: It's just for pretend.  It's all acting.  </p><p>Robbie:  Kevin's right Delbert.  We'll just imagine it's a woman.</p><p>Delbert (shocked):  eeeehhhhhhh..(about to vomit)</p><p>Robbie (slaps Delbert):   As my dead cousin Bobby Possumcods used to say, "WHAT!  IT AIN'T GAY!"  </p><p>Delbert agreed with be in the video.   </p><p>Kevin:  Places people!   Places please!  (Uses his IPHONE to film)  </p><p>Dusty puts a quarter in the jukebox.   The Bon Jovi song You Give Love A Bad Name beings to play.  Dusty starts to dance as Kevin, Bullet, Robbie and Delbert surround him.   Stanley was at Possum Pizza and watches the whole scene play out.  </p><p>Stanley:  I think Dusty is in a shitload of trouble than he realizes.  Damn these young people and their internet devices.  I'm outta here!  </p><p>The video ends with Robbie, Delbert, Kevin, and Bullet attacking Dusty pretending to rape him.    </p><p>Kevin:  And cut!  Great job!  </p><p>Bullet:  This video will put Randall and Gina out of business!  </p><p>Delbert:  You're right, Robbie.  That wasn't gay.</p><p>Robbie:  I told you so.  </p><p>Dusty:  This was actually kind of fun.  Wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be!  </p><p> </p><p>Scene 7:</p><p> </p><p>At the Dippin' Dots Building.  Which was Legion of DOOOOOM Headquarters.   Gerald Fitzgerald was very happy that he was raking in the big bucks with both his houndstooth and argyle meth.   Brett DeMarco and Fitz's adopted daughter Zeta were there in the command room.</p><p>Fitz:  These past few days have been excellent for our meth sales!  </p><p>Brett:  Indeed it has.   Where has the Paradise PD been all this time?</p><p>Fitz:  Can't believe we're getting away with all this shit!   It's like we're completely under the radar.</p><p>Brett:   I know right!   (laughs)</p><p>Since Zeta had been adopted by Fitz.  She has been doing much better.  Zeta has excelled so much now that her family the Mattos were all dead.     Fitz and Brett had been excellent parental figures for Zeta despite them being meth dealers.  </p><p>Fitz:   Whatever it is the Paradise PD are preocuppied with, I'd like to know what it is.</p><p>Zeta:  Daddy Fitz!  Uncle Brett.</p><p>Fitz:  Zeta my darling.   What do you want to show us?</p><p>Zeta:  I know where the Paradise PD have been doing.   Take a look.</p><p>Brett:  Now this I gotta see!  </p><p>Zeta shows Fitz and Brett her IPAD and shows them Randall Crawford's Youtube Channel  </p><p>Randall (on video):   State of Play?   Anything with Ben Affleck is State of Gay! (laughs)  Give it up, Ben!  Nobody likes you anymore!    Even Jennifer Garner hates you now!  </p><p>Zeta then shows Fitz and Brett Gina's Youtube channel.  </p><p>Gina (on video):     Aww shit!  Did you all just see Joe Thiessman's leg snap like a fucking toothpick!  (giggles)  The only Super Bowl for him is the Toilet Bowl!    If you think that's fun check out John McEnroe getting medieval on his Tennis Racket.    Hope you're enjoying the New and Improved Not So Great Moments in Sports!  This is Gina Jabowski signing off.   </p><p>Brett:  A-ha!  These police who want to keep crime off the streets are too caught up with these viral videos.  </p><p>Fitz:   Good to know.    The more they keep making videos, the better our meth sales go up!    </p><p>Brett:  Yeah, we don't get caught up in this viral video IPHONE shit.   </p><p>Fitz, Brett, and Zeta notice everyone else was gone.    So Fitz enters one of the rooms in the Dippin' Dots Building along with Brett and Zeta and sees Pat Robertson making a viral video.</p><p>Pat Robertson:   Greetings.   And Welcome to God's News.  I'm your host, Pat Robertson.</p><p>Zeta:   Oh no!   </p><p>Fitz:  Let's check the others.</p><p>Brett opens another door and inside was the Russian Mobster making a viral video.</p><p>Russian Mobster:    You're watching Counting With The Mob.  Starring Me!  Russian Mobster.  Let us begin!     One...ha ha ha....Two....ha ha ha!  Three.....ha ha ha!   </p><p>Brett:  Aww God!   </p><p>Fitz:  Where's Frank and Jerry?</p><p>Zeta (points): In the room down the hall.</p><p>Brett leads Fitz and Zeta to the room down the hall.  Opening the door there were Frank Flipperfist and his son  Jerry doing an IPHONE Viral Video.</p><p>Frank Flipperfist:   My son Jerry and I are doing an Epic Dolphin Rap Video!   I Got 99 Problems And The Bitch is the One....</p><p>Fitz:   Damn!   Come on!  Marcos Narcos and Pedro Pooptooth are our only hope!  </p><p>Brett:  There in the last room.</p><p>Zeta leads the way to the last room in the hall.   Opening the door, they see that Pedro Pooptooth and Marcos Narcos have given in to the IPHONE Video craze.</p><p>Marcos Narcos:  Santa Maria!   Want to have a fun family vacation?</p><p>Pedro Pooptooth:  Then you should visit the Dominican Republic!  </p><p>Fitz screams at the ceiling.  </p><p>Brett:   What has become of our henchmen?  </p><p>Zeta:  They're no better than the Paradise PD if they're making videos.  </p><p>Fitz:  You know what?   To hell with them.  The three of us we can sell meth ourselves.</p><p>Brett:  Yes, let them have their little fun.   </p><p>Fitz:  We'll be the ones doing the serious business.</p><p> </p><p>Scene 8:  </p><p>Kevin glosses over his latest viral video about the scene from The Accused.    Bullet notices Kevin looked troubled.   Dusty and Bullet were laying in the sun.</p><p>Bullet:  How did the video turn out?</p><p>Kevin:   Still not very many hits I'm afraid.</p><p>Dusty:  Dammit!  What the fuck do we have to do to make a video more popular then Randall's and Gina's?</p><p>Bullet:   I don't know.  Kidnap Andrew Cuomo?</p><p>A male voice singing in a high baritone was heard.  Only Dusty looked worried.  </p><p>Kevin:  Who is that, Andrew Cuomo?</p><p>Dusty: Uhhh, excuse me a moment.  I gotta use the little boys room.  </p><p>Kevin follows Dusty as he rushes to the men's room.    Dusty was deep inside the bathroom as Kevin lurked in.   The voice was coming from Dusty as he was singing along.</p><p>Dusty (singing):  For all the times that you rain on my parade.....</p><p>Voice (Singing):  For all the time that you rain on my parade....</p><p>Kevin:   Dusty?  Are those two voices I hear singing?  (gets his IPHONE to record)</p><p>It was revealed that Dusty has a singing boil named Justin.   Which was what the voice was that was coming out of Dusty.   </p><p>Justin:  Baby, Baby, Baby...ooooohhhhh.</p><p>Kevin (sees the boil and screams):    What the fuck is that?</p><p>Dusty (covers himself with towel):  Nothing!   </p><p>Justin:  Who turned out the lights?   I can't see!  I can't see!</p><p>Kevin:  You have a boil on your ass that sings pop music with you?</p><p>Dusty:  Don't look at me.  I'm a freak!  (turns away sadly)</p><p>Kevin:  No.  </p><p>When Dusty wasn't looking, Kevin filmed Justin.</p><p>Dusty:  I've been ashamed of Justin for as long as I can remember.   </p><p>Kevin:  You named your boil Justin?  After the pop star?</p><p>Dusty:  Yeah, afraid so.  Look at him.  He has black hair, whiskers....</p><p>Justin:  A boil can't have a name?   Want to hear by latest song? (sings)<br/>
Picture perfect!  You don't need no filter.</p><p>Dusty uses a paper clip to lance Justin.  As soon as the boil was lanced, Justin melted into nothingness.</p><p>Justin:  Bbwwwaaaahhhhh...</p><p>Kevin:  Wow.  I feel bad for you.</p><p>Dusty:  Thanks.  I lance him every few months.  He always grows back.   If that isn't bad enough.  Justin's Canadian!  (sobs)  It's hard enough being morbidly obese.  But if anyone found out about Justin, I'd be devastated.  (cries)  </p><p>Kevin checks his IPHONE and sees the video he had made of Justin.  </p><p>Justin:  Picture perfect!  You need no filter.  </p><p>Dusty hears the song on Kevin's video just before  Justin in lanced.  </p><p>Kevin:  Woah!  Gross!   Million follower gross! </p><p>Dusty:  Kevin, whatever you do.  Delete that!  </p><p>Kevin gives himself a moment to think.    On the IPHONE it says, "REJECT" or "SEND".   Without Dusty's knowledge Kevin presses SEND.  </p><p>Dusty:  Did you delete it?</p><p>Kevin (coughs):  SEND.  I did.</p><p>Dusty:  Good.   You're a best friend a man can ever have!</p><p>Kevin (thinks to himself):  Gotcha Dad!  Gotcha Gina!   Now we'll see who's the most popular of them all!  </p><p>Meanwhile at a construction site.  Fitz, Brett, and Zeta were looking for a place to sell meth.   Fitz found himself on the other side of the fence.</p><p>Fitz:  Damn!  How am I supposed to sell meth when I'm on this side of the fence?</p><p>Zeta:  Climb the fence.  It's easy.   I climb fences all the time. </p><p>Brett:  Or better yet, climb onto the porta potty.</p><p>Fitz:  OKay.</p><p>Brett uses his IPHONE to film Fitz climbing on top of the porta potty.  Only to have Fitz crash inside the porta potty then come out all blue filled with Tidy Bowl.</p><p>Zeta:  Daddy Fitz!  Are you okay?</p><p>Fitz:  I'm fine.  But how am I going to get cleaned up now?  Who's going to buy meth from me if I'm covered with Tidy Bowl?</p><p>Brett:  Gee, I don't know, Fitz.   </p><p>Fitz sees Brett on his IPHONE.</p><p>Brett:  Wait a minute?  You didn't film me falling into that porta potty did you?</p><p>Zeta:   Don't be like the Paradise PD and everyone else at the Legion of DOOOOOM, please.  </p><p>Brett presses "SEND" on his IPHONE.   Soon two videos were going to go viral and make it big.  Dusty's Justin Boil and Fitz landing into a porta potty.  </p><p>Fitz:  Did you film it?   You better not have.</p><p>Brett:   Uuuhhh, No.  </p><p>Zeta:   You're awesome, Uncle Brett!</p><p> </p><p>Scene 9:</p><p> </p><p>At Paradise PD Headquarters, Randall and Gina check their IPHONES.  Soon they both learn that they're losing viewers on their Youtube channels.</p><p>Randall:  Son of a bitch!  I've lost my many subscribers!  </p><p>Gina:  So did I!   Why those little twat waffles!   </p><p>Robbie and Delbert enter the police station.</p><p>Randall:  What the fuck do you two want?</p><p>Robbie:  Anybody seen this video of a singing pimple named Justin?</p><p>Delbert:  Yeah, there's also one about some black dude falling inside a porta potty.  </p><p>Gina:  We ought to check that out.  </p><p>Randall:  You're right, Gina.</p><p>Gina and Randall look up both videos.   First the one of Dusty's singing boil named Justin.  </p><p>Justin (on video singing):  Picture perfect!  You need no filter!   Bwaaahhhhh!   </p><p>Gina:  (chuckled):  Pretty funny.   </p><p>Randall:  Whoever has that boil must be a fucking total circus freak!</p><p>Robbie:  Funny right?</p><p>Delbert:  Check out that other one.</p><p>Randall and Gina then look up the video of Fitz falling into a porta potty.  </p><p>Gina:  (cackles)   Super hilarious!   </p><p>Randall:  Kingpin got what he deserved.  </p><p>Gina:  Whoever posted these videos must have a been really desperate to get hits.  </p><p>Randall:  Yes, Gina.  They're funny but we're losing popularity on ours because of these videos.  </p><p>Gina:  Maybe we should just give up and go back to busting criminals.</p><p>Randall:  What do you mean?</p><p>Gina:  Pretty obvious our 15 minutes of fame are up.</p><p>Randall:  Good point.  Who filmed that Justin the singing boil video anyway?</p><p>The day after, when Dusty was on his way to work.   Camaro Bob and Chick Ridley watch Dusty's boil Justin sing on their IPHONES then see Dusty walk down the street.</p><p>Camaro Bob:  Hey, look!  Here comes the man of the hour right now!  </p><p>Chick Ridley:  Yo fatty?  Are you aware you're the number one internet sensation?</p><p>Dusty:  Where?  Also, what?</p><p>At Paradise PD Headquarters. Just as Dusty was about to enter, Gina, Bullet, Randall, Kevin, and even Stanley were cracking up at Kevin's video of Dusty's boil Justin.  </p><p>Justin (on video):   Picture Perfect!  You Need No Filter Bbbwwaaaahhhhh!   </p><p>Bullet:  Play it again!  Again!  </p><p>Stanley:  No.  It's humiliating and degrading to Dusty.  Play it 10 more times!   </p><p>Randall kept playing the Justin singing boil video over and over.    </p><p>Stanley:  This is way more funnier than Up in Central Park!   </p><p>Dusty walks in and sees his fellow officers laugh at his expense.  </p><p>Kevin:  I know I shouldn't have sent that video.    </p><p>Randall:  It was you?!</p><p>Kevin:  Yes indeed!  (gets in Randall's face)   Like Roger the Alien in American Dad!  In your face with a can of mace and make you cry all over the place!   </p><p>Gina:  So your video is more popular than ours.  Who cares?   Competition means shit to me.</p><p>Randall:  You may have a popular video on the internet but that doesn't change......</p><p>Kevin:  But at least I finally held one over on you Dad!   Who's the failure now, hmmmmm!    (sees Dusty)   Oh hey Dusty.  </p><p>Dusty (cries):  How could you do this!    (runs away)  </p><p>Gina:  Don't worry, Dusty.   You always have me!   </p><p> </p><p>Scene 10:  </p><p> </p><p>At the Dippin' Dots Building.   The Legion of DOOOOOM was in a similar situation.    Russian Mobster, Pat Robertson, Frank Flipperfist, Jerry, Marcos Narcos, Zeta, Pedro Pooptooth, and Brett DeMarco were all laughing at the video Brett filmed of Gerald Fitzgerald falling into a porta potty.   </p><p>Zeta:  I love Daddy Fitz.  But I find this hilarious!  </p><p>Frank Flipperfist:  Play it again, Sam!   </p><p>Marcos Narcos was playing the video of Fitz falling into the porta potty over and over.    </p><p>Russian Mobster:  So far we've played it 12 times!   Then 13...ha ha ha!  Then 14....ha ha ha!   </p><p>Brett: If the Paradise PD can make funny videos, so can we!   </p><p>Pat Robertson (sees Fitz enter the room):  Hello Fitz.</p><p>Fitz:  What the fuck is going on here!  What're you all laughing at?  </p><p>Pedro Pooptooth:  This video of you falling into a porta potty!    </p><p>Brett:   Sorry I just could not help myself!   You know how exploitive I can be!</p><p>Fitz:  YOU SONS OF BITCHES!  How dare you make fun of your boss the Paradise Kingpin like this!   I demand you treat me with respect!   Did you know it took me 5 hours to clean off that Tidy Bowl!  </p><p>Pedro Pooptooth, Frank Flipperfist, Russian Mobster, Brett DeMarco, and even Zeta all erupted with laughter.</p><p>Fitz:  Why would you do this to me, Brett?   After everything I've done for you!    </p><p>Brett:  Look at it this way.  Maybe people here in Paradise will like our videos better than the Paradise PD's videos about Movie Reviews and Sports Bloopers.   And besides, this video could boost our sales even more!   </p><p>Fitz:  By making me look like some fucking buffoon!  Then nobody would want to buy meth from me!   I'll be known as the Tidy Bowl Kingpin!   </p><p>Zeta shows concern as Fitz runs off in utter embarrassment.  </p><p>Brett:   Jesus Almighty!  Doesn't Fitz have a sense of humor?</p><p>Zeta:  I'm on your side, Uncle Brett.    Daddy Fitz, wait!  </p><p>Brett:  Before you run off, try telling Fitz I filmed him to show his meth buyers that he's a fun Kingpin.  Think you can do that for me?</p><p>Zeta:  All right, I will.  Daddy Fitz!  Wait!   </p><p>Back at the Paradise PD headquarters.  Kevin soon begins to have mixed feelings.   Kevin feels great that he made a popular video and rubbed it in the face of his father Randall.   Yet, he felt regretful about humiliating Dusty.    Kevin watches Dusty though a telescope in regret.   </p><p>Kevin:  Gosh.  What have I done?    I don't know how to feel anymore.</p><p>White Lion's When The Children Cry plays.</p><p>In the 'good' part of town.   Dusty was walking down the streets.  People people flocking around Dusty gathering around him for autographs.   However, they wanted Justin's autographs and not Dusty's.   Out of nowhere, Joe Biden comes to greet him.</p><p>Joe Biden:  Hey, Dusty!  Remember me?  Your old pal Joe?    </p><p>Dusty (sighs):  Is this about my boil?</p><p>Joe Biden:  Oh fuck yeah!   Say you think you can do me a favor?    Have Justin sign his name and I'll give you a million dollars for it!  </p><p>Dusty runs away crying.   As the days pass on.  Dusty could not go anywhere without getting laughed at for his boil named Justin.   Dusty even dressed in a plus sized version of Marilyn Monroe's dress from The Seven Year Itch and disguised himself as a woman.  As soon as Dusty stepped on the ground, his dress flew up and his singing boil Justin was exposed with people clamouring around laughing at him.   </p><p>Fitz's situation with his viral video was no better.   Wandering around the 'bad' part of town.  Zeta tried to tell him Brett's true intentions, but Fitz just would not listen.   Like Dusty, he too could not go anywhere without getting laughed at.   Robbie, Delbert, and anyone else who bought meth from Fitz were all calling him the "Tidy Bowl Man."    </p><p>In the Dippin Dot's Building after getting laughed at.   Fitz talks to Brett DeMarco.</p><p>Fitz: You know my other right hand man Thester Carbomb never would've done anything like this!  </p><p>Brett (groans):   Everytime I piss you off you always have to mention that British asshole!  What did Thester do that was so special? THESTER! THESTER! THESTER!  Thester is dead!  He's never coming back!  Get over it okay!   </p><p>Fitz:  Thester was the greatest henchmen in the world.  Thester was so wonderful.   (angerly):  It should've been you who died in that train explosion instead of him!  </p><p>Brett:   Okay!  I get it!  Brett Bad.  Thester Good.   Did Zeta tell you why I really did it.</p><p>Fitz:  Yeah, she was just trying to cover for you.   If I didn't know any better I'd think you were trying to overthrow me!</p><p>Brett:  I would never do that.   It's what guys do!  They rag on each other and take it with a grain of salt.   Didn't you ever have any friends?</p><p>Fitz:  In my youth no.    People have always been scared of me.  As for friends, I just pretended to be friends with the Paradise PD when I was a cop for them.   Even then they were scared to rag on me.  </p><p>Brett:  Besides I wasn't trying to go against you.  I was trying to show that we're a fun kind of Drug Dealing Ring!  </p><p>Fitz:  So, Zeta was right.</p><p>Brett:  Exactly.   This way a funny video can boost more sales like I said before.  </p><p>Fitz  (revving up):  Yes but some people are going to take it the wrong way.  So I suggest you either make a new video or so help me God a new one will come it will be about you being a clumsy asshole.  Or someone else will get laughed at and forget about me.  </p><p>Brett:  You didn't happen to see that Justin the singing boil did you?   </p><p>Fitz:  No will you show it to me?</p><p>Brett:  It's actually more popular than the one about you falling into the porta potty. </p><p>Fitz (calming down):  I gotta say something.</p><p>Brett:  What is it?</p><p>Fitz:  Perhaps it's for the best that you did rip on me like that.</p><p>Brett:  Really?  Why?</p><p>Fitz:  Guess I overreacted a little back there.   It's just that.  All my life people have been afraid to make fun of me because of the color of my skin.   </p><p>Brett:  I understand.  It's that racism shit.  So it was cool what I did?</p><p>Fitz:  Yes it was.  Let them laugh at me.   In fact, let the video go on.   In the meantime, make fun of me all you want!  Hell bully me if you want!  Now, show me that singing boil!  </p><p>Brett:  You got it, boss! </p><p>Fitz:  I'm nothing special.   I don't want to be like those bad guys who have no sense of humor and get super offended when a henchman laughs and makes fun of him.  </p><p>Brett and Fitz make up and watch the Justin video.  They both get a load of laughs at Dusty's singing boil Justin.  </p><p>Justin (on video):   Picture perfect!   You don't need a filter!  Bwwaahhhhh!  </p><p> </p><p>Scene 11 Conclusion:</p><p> </p><p>Feeling ashamed for what he had done to Dusty.   Kevin decides to make a video of his own.  Bullet drives Kevin to a landfill.</p><p>Bullet:  Are you sure about this?</p><p>Kevin:  Positive.   </p><p>Bullet:  It was a blast laughing at Dusty.</p><p>Kevin:  You'll have an even better time laughing at me.   I deserve this.  I may have broken Dusty.  </p><p>Bullet (films on Kevin's IPHONE):   Filming!  Ready?</p><p>Kevin:  Ready.......</p><p>Scene fades into black.    The following morning.  Dusty was walking on his way to work for the Paradise PD.   On his way over there Dusty gets stopped again by Camaro Bob and Chick Ridley laughing at an IPHONE Video.</p><p>Camaro Bob:  Hey Dusty!  </p><p>Dusty: Are you going to tease me about my boil?</p><p>Chick Ridley:  Nope.  You're old news.   There's a new video out now.</p><p>Dusty:  Really?  What is it?</p><p>Camaro Bob:  Some dude jumping in a landfill and swimming in garbage.  </p><p>Dusty:  Really?  Who is it I wonder?</p><p>Kevin walks up to Dusty.</p><p>Dusty:  Kevin!  </p><p>Kevin:  Hey Dusty.   I know I'm probably the last person you want to see.</p><p>Dusty:  No of course not.   </p><p>Justin grew back on Dusty's buttocks.   </p><p>Kevin:  There's something I want to tell you.</p><p>Justin:  Baby Baby Baby...</p><p>Dusty: (slaps his buttocks):  Shut up Justin.  </p><p>Kevin:  I know I probably caused a lot of damage for you when I did that video.  Just want to say that I'm very sorry.  All I wanted to do was make a video that'll be better than anything Dad and Gina could do.</p><p>Dusty:  Don't worry about it anymore.  I forgive you and also I want to thank you.</p><p>Kevin:  Thank me?  Really?</p><p>Dusty:  Of course.  Because of your video I have nothing to hide anymore.   </p><p>Kevin:  That's great to hear.   I've been feeling like total shit these past few days.  I honestly thought I was cyberbullying you and you were going to end up killing yourself.</p><p>Dusty:  Well, that didn't happen did it?   </p><p>Kevin:  Jut felt so awful about what I did.   And yet I was happy that I got the better of my Dad and.....then I made a video of myself swimming in garbage.   </p><p>On his IPHONE, Kevin shows Dusty a video Bullet filmed of Kevin swimming in garbage.  </p><p>Randall and Gina drive by in their police cars.</p><p>Gina:  Time to go to work you lazy asshole slackers!  </p><p>Randall:  Quite fucking around.   Oh and no more IPHONEs unless you're filming a crime!  NEW RULE! </p><p>Kevin:  Well, what do you say.   Want to put this all behind us?</p><p>Dusty:  Yes we can.   </p><p>Kevin and Dusty walk to the Paradise PD Headquarters together.   Anton runs by them.</p><p>Anton:  Great news guys!  </p><p>Dusty:  Oh, hey Anton!  </p><p>Anton:  Your mother got elected another term for mayor.  Thanks to you father's viral videos.   </p><p>Kevin:  That's great.  Tell her I said congrats.</p><p>Anton: Which is more than I can say for you, Kevin.  What have you done lately?  Viral garbage swimmer!  (laughs and walks away)</p><p>Ignoring Anton's remark, Kevin and Dusty both walk to work together.</p><p>Dusty:  You know we never really hang out together.  </p><p>Kevin:  Maybe Dad will put us on a case....</p><p>At the new Mayor Office, Karen was enjoying her victory.   Now she has a new law she's going to announce.</p><p>Karen:  Thanks for all your votes.    You know, these past few days.  People including our own police department got too caught up in making viral videos.  So from now on, we are going to do viral videos in moderation!   </p><p>The Crowd cheers for Karen.   Kevin hears his mother's announcement and could not be any more pleased.</p><p>Kevin:  Good for you, Mom.   </p><p>Dusty:  Moderation it is!  Your mom is a wise woman.</p><p>Kevin: That she is.  </p><p> </p><p>From then onward the citizens of Paradise will now use viral videos sparingly.   The Paradise PD agrees only to use viral videos for filming crimes.</p><p> </p><p>THE END</p>
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